I Could Never Be a Monk

Pondering Prayer

Dear Friends….

I hope you are having the best summer of your lives! This summer has been filled with fun and frustration for us (because…farming), but this post is going to be more about philosophy.

Sidebar: See how I did that repetition of the “f” sound? Sometimes I miss teaching writing.

This morning, I am sitting on our patio with our hummingbirds flying overhead, the frogs croaking in the ditch, leaves blowing in the gentle breeze, Daisy running back and forth behind the gator with her tail wagging up a storm as Brad does his thing, surrounded by the greenest green fields. After spending a week in the high desert in Salt Lake City, I am more aware of the “green” than ever.

And our flat, flat, flat landscape. Beauty is EVERYWHERE and I am THANKFUL!

On to today’s topic….prayer.

If I had to give myself a grade on my prayer life, it would be a “D”. I can’t keep my mind focused, I feel like God already knows and his plans are better than any I could come up with, I’m lazy, He loves the people I’m praying for more than me so I feel silly acting like he has to be convinced by me to do what is best for them, I’ve been praying for some of the same things for YEARS now without getting the answers.

So, most of my prayers are just thank you’s and praise now. And I probably don’t do nearly enough of either, in case you think I think I’m something special. I want to be the person who “prays without ceasing” but I am not there yet.

Four things have happened to me recently that have me pondering this again.

Sidebar: If you want to read other thoughts on prayer, read https://avintagefarmwife.com/holy-yoga-body-prayer/ or https://avintagefarmwife.com/prayer-practice/ or https://avintagefarmwife.com/morning-exhale-and-being-real/

One….

A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a post in one of the oily FB groups that was written by my new friend, Amber. In her post she said that she prays for very specific things…. to meet this person or that person, for God to bless abundantly people she admires from afar, for her business to grow….very SPECIFIC prayers for very SPECIFIC things.

And then I watched as God began to answer her SPECIFIC prayers in VERY SPECIFIC ways. It was mind-boggling and has me thinking about my prayer life again. I don’t want to miss out on any blessings God has planned for me and answered prayers is probably one of them. So I am open to learning and growing in this area.

Two….

Some of you know that I have been studying the Enneagram for over a year. For those of you unfamiliar, the Enneagram is an ancient personality typing system that has helped me in so many ways in several situations. We are all different, but also so much alike and when you understand the motivations behind people’s actions, it is easier to give them grace. This post isn’t about the Enneagram, but if you want to discuss it with me, I WOULD LOVE THAT.

Anyhoo, one of the characteristics of an Enneagram Two, which I am, is not being aware of your own needs. Unhealthy Two’s can be co-dependent and so focused on the needs of others that they don’t recognize their own. This has me wondering if that is one of the reasons I don’t know what to pray for. Of course, we are supposed to pray for others, but our relationship with Christ is PERSONAL, so shouldn’t we be sharing our OWN needs, too?

Three….

Last night, Brad and I attended an event where Abby Johnson was the keynote speaker. The movie Unplanned was about her life as the director of an abortion clinic. We haven’t seen the movie yet, but according to her, when she was part of a training at her abortion clinic and held the wand of the sonogram machine while the doctor performed an abortion, her life was forever changed. She quit her job and is now decidedly Prolife.

She told us to quit just praying to end abortion because we don’t need to convince God that it is an abomination. She said that God isn’t waiting for “Susan to pray 100 more times and then He will stop it.” She told us to start being the hands and feet of Jesus and DO SOMETHING!

How convicting!

Four…..

I am always looking for good book recommendations and someone on Instagram recently suggested Into the Silent Land. Amazon and I are really good buddies, so I ordered a copy ASAP.

It is a book about prayer, but it isn’t about talking.

It is about listening.

And sitting in silence and solitude.

Neither of those are favorites of mine. I am not that great a fan of silence and if I have some free time, I usually look for ways to spend time with someone.

I love people. And avoiding being alone.

I am reading this book and underlining lots of things and I even sat in silence for a few minutes the other day. #hardforme

I hope you will share your prayer tips with me. Tell me your stories of answered prayers, of the ways you spend your day in communion with your Father, of how you pray through the night without falling asleep, of how you keep your mind from wandering.

I want to hear it ALL.